Reflections: Sacrifice & Regret

There's a lot of talk amongst the "hardcore fitness experts" on youtube, instagram, and other online mediums regarding the level of "sacrifice" required to achieve monster goals in life. Whether it's business, bodybuilding, powerlifting, or anything else in order to be the very best or step up to the top level there's this notion that you have to be willing to sacrifice absolutely everything in order to achieve those goals. What they DO NOT TELL YOU is that in these instances your "sacrifice" is truly playing with "house money". What do I mean?

I'm a little over two weeks out from my first bodybuilding show at the moment. I'm to the point where EVERYTHING IS HARD. Double cardio sessions 6x/week, 5 training sessions/week, starving all the time, need to find motivation to stand up to walk to the bathroom to pee, have to mentally motivate in order to get up from the dinner table and clean up from cooking. Everything that is even relaxing at this point is hard and stressful! Once you get to a certain level of leanness even the most simple tasks become impossible. For example: SLEEP, I cannot sleep more than 60 minutes at a time without having to get up to pee or just waking up, sleep is restless, and in itself becomes a job. You simply try to make it through each night so you can start the next day and begin to work through the process of the day bringing you one step closer to the show. THIS IS A LOT OF PERSONAL SACRIFICE RIGHT???? WRONG!

Do you know who truly sacrifices in this situation? My beautiful wife and children are the ones sacrificing.... not me. Yes I'm going through the personal pain, suffering, and emotional roller coasters but do you know who its tougher on? YUP the family. Let's put this into context. My wifes big 30th birthday is on Sunday, we leave for a family vacation on Wednesday, next weekend is the 4th of July, the following weekend is show day. My wife is the one that has to deal with me messing with my training and cardio schedules so I can program a free meal in for her birthday celebration. She is concerned about going on family vacation because she understands how putting me in compromising positions around food & drink (entering relaxation mode) is going to be stressful & difficult on me, she understands that family 4th of july parties are out the window this year. All because of me selfishly pursuing a big goal. Who is sacrificing??? Who sacrifices on saturday mornings when daddy has to rush home from doing am cardio and has blood sugar crashes while cooking breakfast causing stressful situations to start off the weekend? Who sacrifices when dads so beat down that he physically does not want to go to the pool or do ANYTHING outside of bodybuilding prep and the basic bare life necessities? Right again! It isn't me!

Where am I going with this?

PERSPECTIVE! Remember that during these times that you're pushing your own mental boundaries that it is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT to not develop a tunnel vision "poor me" philosophy. You see bodybuilding couples break up all the time, or you see bodybuilders stop competing once they get married and have kids due to the new impact of their actions quite frequently. Why is this? If you're strong enough mentally to endure bodybuilding prep to get truly stage conditioned in order to compete to win shows you can do anything right???? Well in all its glory online in photos or videos just remember none of those tell the whole story! They don't talk about the grueling mental moments where you want to sit down and eat a bowl of ice cream and brownies NOT BECAUSE YOU PERSONALLY WANT TO BUT BECAUSE YOUR WIFE WANTS TO JUST SIT DOWN AND UNWIND. You don't see the moments of tension that go on simply because at a certain level of a bodybuilders cut they MUST become tunnel visioned and 100% focused in order to accomplish the goal at hand. It doesn't matter what day of the week/year it is, what vacation is planned, what hospital visits come up, or anything else that happens once your late into a bodybuilding prep. No matter the situation THE WORK HAS TO BE DONE or you will not be ready to get on stage. Sounds hardcore right??? Well I'm here to tell you that it TRULY IS HARDCORE EFFORT THAT GOES INTO IT...... BUT IT ISN'T MY HARDCORE EFFORT. My wife is FUCKING HARDCORE because she picks up the slack. My kids are FUCKING HARDCORE because they get to deal with their summer activities being bothered. My in-laws are FUCKING HARDCORE because they understand that no matter what's going on or they want to do together w/ my family that my training and diet must be a top priority in regards to consideration of what can be done!

We have had a few rough weekends lately simply due to the fact that even though there is no mental reprieve available to me personally as the competitor.... There is no mental reprieve for my wife to feel like life is normal until after the show. It's easy to suffer on your own or to make yourself suffer when you're single or alone. It however is not easy to make those around you have to suffer through your diet and prep indirectly because of what the competitors contingencies are in order to be show ready. BODYBUILDERS aren't hardcore..... their wives, children, and families are! As the leader of the household it is MY JOB to be better in regards to the personal impact this lifestyle has on my core group of people around me. What does this mean? This means that if I screw up on my diet, slam a ton of calories that weren't planned, or fall off of my game I am not cheating myself..... I AM CHEATING MY WIFE AND KIDS. I am not being disrespectful to myself.... I am being disrespectful to my wife and kids sacrifice. We do these things like push after these extreme goals in a very selfish manner.... that is what it takes at times... but guess what?!?!? If you truly want to accomplish something and succeed long term do you know what your top priority must be??? Top priority has to remain your family. Every single day you're prepping has a purpose so the top priority must be to work through your system in a manner that is conducive to family life!

How did we get out of my personal rough emotional spot over the past couple of weekends??? 1. As the leader of the family I had to sit myself down and explain that I am responsible for EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS within my household. 2. I had to own up to my own selfish bs in order to regain perspective of what matters. 3. Upon regaining perspective I had to find my "WHY" again. 4. I drew a hard line with myself.... If I do not do what must be done at this point it isn't disrespectful to myself or my coach... It's blatant disrespect for my wife and childrens sacrifice. 5. During this rough bout all I needed to do what paste a huge smile on my face and repeat out loud "your wife has sacrificed too much for you to fall apart right now. Your kids have sacrificed too much for you to fall apart right now. You aren't suffering... THEY ARE SUFFERING! So smile and enjoy the pain & suffering so you can go home and be the supportive and motivated man that your house needs. Change your attitude to one of positivity and thankfulness when you get home. You don't have problems at this point. You just have more work to do."

What does this mean to you???

It means that there are people in your corner & that have your back while you go through this tough time and to cheat yourself right now is not really cheating yourself. It is cheating those around you that have gone outside of their comfort level for you to push after doing something great! FOLLOW THE F THROUGH! AND DON'T DO IT FOR JUST YOU.... DO IT FOR THOSE THAT ARE SUFFERING WITH/FOR YOU! To fall off and fail mentally right now would mean you now are saying that the sacrifices to your loved ones do not matter more than doing what you want at this exact short term second! If this short term moment or craving or desire to skimp on a workout is so very large that you're willing to skip it that means you're willing to cheat your family out of what they have rightfully earned by sacrificing what they have.